October 29 2005
A collection of Funny Geek quotes / Computer jokes
Most collected, some made up by me :)
Kailash Nadh
- There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't
- If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0
- I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly
- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
- Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
- In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
- Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk
- I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
- The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX
- A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
- Unix, DOS and Windows...the good, the bad and the ugly
- A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
- The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
- UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
- Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
- C://dos
C://dos.run
run.dos.run - You know it's love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
- JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
- 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
- Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
- Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
- It's not bogus, it's an IBM standard
- Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
- The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are
- Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers
- The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers
- If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won't mar the furniture
- COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
- Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
- LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
- The beginning of the programmer's wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program
- Squash one bug, you'll see ten new bugs popping
- Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
- boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts
- We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted
- If it weren't for C, we'd all be programming in BASI and OBO
- Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner
- Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut
- Unrecognized input, get out of the class
- Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !
- WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER
- Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
- Best file compression around: "rm *.*" = 100% compression
- Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is "c:\> hack into fbi"
- BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
- I survived an NT installation
- The name is Baud......James Baud
- My new car runs at 56Kbps
- Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
- File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
- Cannot read data, leech the next boy's paper? (Y/N)
- CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?
- Windows: Just another pane in the glass
- Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
- RAM disk is not an installation procedure
- Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
- The truth is out there...anybody got the URL?
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
- E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage
- Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
- All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
- Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue
- Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the 'OK' button to continue
- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
- Press every key to continue
- Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where's that 'any key'..
- Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!
- Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources
- To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so
- (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing
- Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS
- (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
- Computers can never replace human stupidity
- A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
- Bugs come in through open Windows
- Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun
- Unix is user friendly...its just selective about who its friends are
- Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity
- Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
- To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password.
- Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )
- FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink
- I degaussed my girlfriend and I'm just not attracted to her anymore
- Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning
- Black holes are where God divided by zero
- Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
- Thank god, my baby just compiled
- Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output
- Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously
- Zap! And there was the blue screen !
- Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)
- MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam
- A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don't use them
- PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days
- 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
- 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied
- Error message: "Out of paper on drive D:"
- If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!
- A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
- "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
- Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface
- Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam
- Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall
- Real programmers can write assembly code in any language
- Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it
- Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?
- Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?
- All computers run at the same speed... with the power off
- You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out
- Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.
- Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel
- Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet
- Shut up, or i'll flush you out
- Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour
- We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal
- You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.
- I'm sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you
- Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway
- Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?
- If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don't understand the question
- Having soundcards is nice... having embedded sound in web pages is not
- My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half
- You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old
- Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours
- I'm sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)
- Ah, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering
- What color do you want that database?
- C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can't read any of them
- As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code
- earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can
- A typical yahoo chat room: "A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out.."
- When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop
- Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue
- Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product
- NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands
- Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !
- NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one
- JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash
- How's my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL
- Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT
- root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is 'a_49qwXk'
- New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null
- Quake and uptime do not like each other
- Unix...best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038
- As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria -- Final Fantasy VIII
- Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo
- Unix is the only virus with a command line interface
- Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system
- How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down!
- God is real, unless declared integer
- I'm tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?
- Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue
- It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions
- Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward $$$
- If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery
- Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle
- Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption
- Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download
- I had a dream... and there were 1's and 0's everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!
- You sir, are an unknown USB device driver
- C isn't that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void